when the light changes

and it drops from the sky at a different time

it’s sometime between push the clocks back and Turkey day

I see the sky through the window, and I remember

well, I feel

I feel that last holiday my mother greeted me at the door

eyes smiling with her little totter

telling me how beautiful I looked

I couldn’t stay, it was the in-law’s turn

but I told her I would come back

after

young family in tow

and we did

and Nana with her day pass

asleep at the table

I ate Mom’s quiche and asked for the recipe

she told me, “Meat Farms.”

the table chuckled

except Nana, she was peeing

at the table

Mom had to take care

it was a mess

Mom’s face worn

wrinkles of heartbreak and resentment with this that she had been anointed

the tapestry worn in Dad’s face, a mere copy of the original that was Mom’s to wear

the boys swirled until they bored and roared

time to go home

hugs all around

“Take some quiche.

Next stop, Christmas,” Mom said.

“What can I buy the boys?” the table called after us.

“Yes, yes,” I sighed, thinking of the labors ahead

but Christmas never came that year

Nana was upset she didn’t receive her day pass

ringing the phone, demanding loudly for Jan

Jan wasn’t there

Carried off her bedroom floor

taken from her home that

never Christmas Eve

to be home nevermore

just a pass

ceremoniously

in the casket, we selected

the man to place a rose upon the door,

it was part of the package

these memories politely keep their distance in the light cast by

spring, summer, even early fall

but come November

through the window

in this light

that stays too long

till Imbolc

when the new light stakes it’s return

until then

proof of an ingestion

I can’t expel

like syrup on my fingers

chocolate on my face

they say

I am with you

until the light changes